If you’re anything like me, you didn’t realize how much undivided attention yourself needed. We’re too busy putting time into everyone and everything else that we neglect the one person that needs it most, us, you, me (points index finger in the direction of myself). Giving time to and nurturing your needs is not a selfish move, but a self-love one. I’m loving the constant emphasis on self-care these days and it’s about time that we stress the importance of it. Learning how to love ourselves from the root is a responsible move and takes discipline.
For me at thirty-eight, it has seriously been a long time comin. And it’s about time that the shovel used to dig up someone else’s dirt turned into digging up my own. The dirt we dig can turn into planted seeds that will help us blossom into the person we decide to dig out from the root. Our style can’t evolve without it and it will suffer because of the loss of love we have for ourselves.
I’ve learned to accept and be grateful for my losses (divorce, self-loss, friendships) because it caused me to look deeper inside of me more than I have before. After having multiple therapy sessions on how I ended up in unhealthy situation-ships (shout out to my amazing therapist), it made me want to continue the journey of self-discovery. Therapy is a great teacher of self-reflection. It helped me realize what I’ve been missing out on for a long time, being a healthier version of me.
I wanted to share what I’ve learned with you in hopes that you also begin the journey of self-love, healthier bonds and choosing you first. No matter what anyone says, you have to live with you and be happy with who you are.
Learn to be alone
“Learn to be alone and like it. There is nothing more freeing and empowering than learning to like your own company.” – Mandy Hale
Being alone you find out who you really are. You learn to validate yourself without the validation of others and their opinion. You’ll also become aware of your own behavior and how it’s impacted when others aren’t around. Alone time is a great way to build your confidence, independence and strength. Spend your alone time on a lunch date with yourself, doing an activity, meditating, walking on the beach, etc. There are many ways and not one way to accomplish this.
“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.” – Georgina Lester
Self guilt is the most toxic way to live and is the easiest way to live an unhealthy life. Your self-worth starts with how you treat yourself. Reflecting on your past mistakes is all good as long as you are looking back to see how far you’ve come and that those poor choices made you a better person. Don’t beat yourself up for something you cannot change. It already happened. Remember that without the dirt you can’t grow (listen to Mary Mary song “Dirt”). Forgive yourself, move on from the pain and heal.
Love Yourself by Challenging Yourself
“Challenging Yourself is what keeps life interesting, fascinating and motivating. Keep it fresh, keep it you and keep pushing forward.”
We don’t grow or become better versions of ourselves by being stagnant. Comfort ability is a thief of our greater self. A great way to learn about ourselves is by the challenges we create for ourselves. It’s how you get to know you more and your capabilities. You reaching outside of yourself will help you discover so much more and is a great example of you doing you for you. A perfect example of challenging yourself is doing the things that you fear most.
Setting Boundaries: Saying No To Others
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” -Brene Brown
Being a people pleaser is not a way of living your life on your terms. Committing ourselves to others leaves no room for us to commit that same energy to ourselves. Learn to focus on what you want and your needs even if it means sacrificing the needs of others. What you don’t give yourself you’ll have no room to give to others. Learn to set boundaries that benefit your well being and shows how much you love you. Say no to the things that doesn’t serve you and be okay with that even if the other person has a problem with it. Rejection from the other person about the boundaries you set for yourself only means that they don’t respect your position. Just keep respecting yourself and worth. Those that don’t will drop off anyway.
Find Your Purpose
“If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose.” – Bishop T.D. Jakes
Your purpose is what leads you to “being” your true self. It’s really where the work begins. You start to love on yourself and come alive because you discover things about your why (why did this happen and what was I supposed to learn about myself because of it?). You can’t be your truest self without knowing what your purpose is. Once you discover your purpose on this earth then go after all that your heart desires. Find a passion that leads to your purpose, create a list of goals, muster up that vision board for a clearer look at your mission, respect the process of your journey, find happiness in achieving your accomplishments when they occur and come alive by sharing your purpose with the world. Remember that your purpose is your gift.
What I Wore
Floral Pant Jumpsuit by Zaful
Red Multi Strand Heeled Sandal by JustFab
Contemporary Fashion Jewelry by Kollectin
By pursuing new interests starting with learning more about you is the start of an amazing personal journey. And with that comes a life of happiness and fulfillment from the inside out. Your style will complement the love within yourself and the world will be ready for it (or at least, have no choice). So blossom love, blossom.
What did you think of today’s post? What will you start doing today that you learned on how to start loving you? Thank you for reading and for accepting my platform as a place for style inspiration and more. Please subscribe and share with women that would love to achieve style growth.
Photography love by: Aiko Cunanan