Learning How to Love You

Learning How to Love You

If you’re anything like me, you didn’t realize how much undivided attention yourself needed. We’re too busy putting time into everyone and everything else that we neglect the one person that needs it most, us, you, me (points index finger in the direction of myself). Giving time to and nurturing your needs is not a selfish move, but a self-love one. I’m loving the constant emphasis on self-care these days and it’s about time that we stress the importance of it. Learning how to love ourselves from the root is a responsible move and takes discipline.

For me at thirty-eight, it has seriously been a long time comin. And it’s about time that the shovel used to dig up someone else’s dirt turned into digging up my own. The dirt we dig can turn into planted seeds that will help us blossom into the person we decide to dig out from the root.  Our style can’t evolve without it and it will suffer because of the loss of love we have for ourselves.

I’ve learned to accept and be grateful for my losses (divorce, self-loss, friendships) because it caused me to look deeper inside of me more than I have before. After having multiple therapy sessions on how I ended up in unhealthy situation-ships (shout out to my amazing therapist), it made me want to continue the journey of self-discovery. Therapy is a great teacher of self-reflection. It helped me realize what I’ve been missing out on for a long time, being a healthier version of me.

I wanted to share what I’ve learned with you in hopes that you also begin the journey of self-love, healthier bonds and choosing you first. No matter what anyone says, you have to live with you and be happy with who you are. 


Learn to be alone 

“Learn to be alone and like it. There is nothing more freeing and empowering than learning to like your own company.” – Mandy Hale

Being alone you find out who you really are. You learn to validate yourself without the validation of others and their opinion. You’ll also become aware of your own behavior and how it’s impacted when others aren’t around. Alone time is a great way to build your confidence, independence and strength. Spend your alone time on a lunch date with yourself, doing an activity, meditating, walking on the beach, etc. There are many ways and not one way to accomplish this. 


Forgive Yourself

“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.” – Georgina Lester

Self guilt is the most toxic way to live and is the easiest way to live an unhealthy life. Your self-worth starts with how you treat yourself. Reflecting on your past mistakes is all good as long as you are looking back to see how far you’ve come and that those poor choices made you a better person. Don’t beat yourself up for something you cannot change. It already happened. Remember that without the dirt you can’t grow (listen to Mary Mary song “Dirt”). Forgive yourself, move on from the pain and heal. 


Love Yourself by Challenging Yourself

“Challenging Yourself is what keeps life interesting, fascinating and motivating. Keep it fresh, keep it you and keep pushing forward.”

We don’t grow or become better versions of ourselves by being stagnant. Comfort ability is a thief of our greater self. A great way to learn about ourselves is by the challenges we create for ourselves. It’s how you get to know you more and your capabilities. You reaching outside of yourself will help you discover so much more and is a great example of you doing you for you. A perfect example of challenging yourself is doing the things that you fear most. 


Setting Boundaries: Saying No To Others

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” -Brene Brown

Being a people pleaser is not a way of living your life on your terms. Committing ourselves to others leaves no room for us to commit that same energy to ourselves. Learn to focus on what you want and your needs even if it means sacrificing the needs of others. What you don’t give yourself you’ll have no room to give to others. Learn to set boundaries that benefit your well being and shows how much you love you. Say no to the things that doesn’t serve you and be okay with that even if the other person has a problem with it. Rejection from the other person about the boundaries you set for yourself only means that they don’t respect your position. Just keep respecting yourself and worth. Those that don’t will drop off anyway. 


Find Your Purpose

“If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose.” – Bishop T.D. Jakes

Your purpose is what leads you to “being” your true self. It’s really where the work begins. You start to love on yourself and come alive because you discover things about your why (why did this happen and what was I supposed to learn about myself because of it?). You can’t be your truest self without knowing what your purpose is. Once you discover your purpose on this earth then go after all that your heart desires. Find a passion that leads to your purpose, create a list of goals, muster up that vision board for a clearer look at your mission, respect the process of your journey, find happiness in achieving your accomplishments when they occur and come alive by sharing your purpose with the world. Remember that your purpose is your gift. 

What I Wore

Floral Pant Jumpsuit by Zaful

Red Multi Strand Heeled Sandal by JustFab

Contemporary Fashion Jewelry by Kollectin


By pursuing new interests starting with learning more about you is the start of an amazing personal journey. And with that comes a life of happiness and fulfillment from the inside out. Your style will complement the love within yourself and the world will be ready for it (or at least, have no choice). So blossom love, blossom. 

What did you think of today’s post? What will you start doing today that you learned on how to start loving you? Thank you for reading and for accepting my platform as a place for style inspiration and more. Please subscribe and share with women that would love to achieve style growth.

Photography love by: Aiko Cunanan




Pentené Milner is a mother, influencer, stylist and all around lifer. She started Style Me Fancy by Pentené (a style, fashion and lifestyle blog) initially to brand herself as a stylist, but quickly turned it into a place to inspire women to find a sense of empowerment in their personal style. She’s a native of San Diego, California, but made Los Angeles her home in 2002. She enjoys being mom to her tween son, city life, fun with family (and friends that are like family), seeing the world, dressing up, dining, wineries and self caring at a spa. To her, as a former singer, music brings everything to light and many times writes while listening to it.


  • Carmelatte
    • Pentené

      Thanks so much love! And believe it or not it’s actually a cute pants jumpsuit. I love that it can pass for a dress too. Xoxo

  • Tina

    Oh Pentene such a important topic plus a stunner look as well!!
    Self love is something that everyone needs to discover for themselves I guess… but it comes with age/ time maybe?! 🙂

    Anyways – you look sooo great in that dress and I’m obsessed with the sandals too ❤



    • Pentené

      Thank you so much love! Self love is definitely a must or you’ll always look for others to provide you happiness that simply cannot. Especially those that aren’t happy themselves. I think it comes with experience and with that experience what you discover about yourself. Xoxo

  • Babita

    Such a lovely slit dress you have there dear! I couldn’t agree more with you here and it’s so true how we end up pampering others and giving so much time whereas we hardly find that much time for ourselves!

    Xoxo Babita

    • Pentené

      Thank you so much love! And yes, we give too much of ourselves and put so much into others and leave no room for our personal growth. It’s a process worth journeying to discover the real you. Blossom love. Appreciate you for reading. Xoxo

  • analysa

    I agree with you, we should love our friends better, yes so then there is no fault with friends and care about other people. Spending more time with yourself is a good way to treat yourself


  • Lovely Amusan

    Great advice darling and love your dress it is so pretty and you look amazing!


  • Gil Zetbase

    Gorgeous outfit!
    Have a nice day!
    Gil Zetbase

  • Nikki Living Life

    Finally made it to your post!!! Pentene, your posts are always so enlightening. I love the quote by Mandy Hale. I do enjoy my alone time and I think that regular doses of stillness is both essential and healthy. Not only does your post come with wise words of wisdom but great style and gorgeous pics too. You are slaying in this floral jumpsuit.


    • Pentené

      Aww thank you, thank you, thank you beautiful friend. I appreciate your support and appreciation for my posts. As you know blogging is real and being authentic can be a challenge because your goal is to inspire. I’m so glad that it did that for you. Xoxo

  • sepatuholig

    i am so in love with myself all the time, its disgusting!
    😀 😀 😀
    thank you for sharing, this is neat!
    IG @grace_njio

    • Pentené

      Haha! Don’t blame ya. Give us tips on how to be disgustingly in love with yourself, lol. Love it and thank you for stopping by love. Xoxo

  • Elegant Duchess

    These tips are so true and I couldn’t agree more!

    You look absolutely fantastic girl! Magnificent photos, love the sandals. Chic and elegant 😘

    Much love,
    Elegant Duchess 😘

    • Pentené

      Aww thank you beautiful! So glad to know that you enjoyed and agree with this post. Wishing you a wonderful rest of your week. Xoxo

  • Biki

    So much to love about this post Pentene! I have a folder titled, ‘Personal Development’ and I’ve been trying to do different things to improve and ultimately love myself better. That’s included doing things for family like taking my mum out to see a musical and getting great seats (she looooves that), travelling on my own…there’s still so much to be done but it’s a process.
    I loooove what you are wearing, how sexy is that dress with the slits and those shooooooes! Also digging the coral accents I see!
    Keep on inspiring hon. Xo

    • Pentené

      Thank you so much love! We are all a work in progress and learning to love yourself IS indeed a process. We are all allowed to have a learning curve as long as we don’t get stuck there. You are such a beautiful person and I’m so happy to know that you are on this journey as well. A lot of us don’t like to admit it or don’t realize it, but the first step is recognizing it and doing the work that needs to be done. Keep at it girl! We are blessed. Xoxo

  • Annick

    you do you girl! You look amazing and I only hope that you get to feel even more amazing with each passing day ❤️

  • Dominique

    Such a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing your tips and journey to self love! You look stunning hun, I’m obsessed with your shoes doll xx


    • Pentené

      Thanks so much beautiful! I appreciate that and so happy you enjoyed these tips. Hope you find them useful along your personal journey. Xoxo

  • analysa

    This is a very splendid outfit set I love it, especially your high heels


    • Pentené

      Thank you love! They are great to look at, but walking in them for a long period of time are another story, lol. Appreciate the compliment. Xoxo

  • l'ambassadrice

    This blog post warmed my heart 🙂 Self love is so, so, so important and I’m so happy you finally found it. I’m slowly discovering my own too (and its immense power!), and I’m currently working on forgiving myself. It’s such a hard, but necessary thing to do. Sending all my love and light your way – you look amazing!

    • Pentené

      Aww you’re so sweet. This made my heart melt. So glad that this post touched you the way it touched me writing it. Who knew that loving yourself was a hard task? It’s powerful when you finally learn how to and when you do. Keep being a work in progress love. Sending you loads of hugs and kisses. Xoxo

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