Birthday Vibe (June 2): Year of New Independence

Birthday Vibe (June 2): Year of New Independence

Year of New Independence Well hello my loves. Its been a little while since you last heard from me. That’s because I decided that it was time to finally take a much needed break from my blog after all that had been going on in my personal life within the past year. I had been quietly battling some storms and begin a transition into a new life that made me feel uncomfortable because of the unexpected painful changes that were happening right before me. The many challenges I’ve faced have made me strong enough to open up and share the many dark clouds I’ve been passing through. And in hopes of helping someone else pass through their own too. But first, let’s talk about my birthday. It’s my 37th birthday weekend (Friday June 2nd)! Yes chile they say black don’t crack (a little added comic relief to such a serious blog post) – but in all seriousness, it’s a very important year for me as I call this my year of “new independence”. If you would allow me to speak my truth I’ll elaborate further in just a moment. 

Year of New Independence

The Year of 36:

Thirty-six was probably the toughest year for me. With no regrets, I had an eye opening, lesson filled year full of growth. I learned more about who Pentené was and what she had lost within herself. I didnt realize it, but I let go of some of who I was to appease someone else’s self doubt. Lets just say that what I’ve faced and was willing to finally let go of brought me back full circle getting to know the better version of me in this new phase of my life with even greater power, a purposeful mission, more strength and a whole new outlook on womanhood. But fear it not, pain can do that to you if you let it do what it’s called to do. In other words, heal baby, heal.

The change:

Now let me be more transparent about what’s changed in my life. My almost 5 year marriage has ended, a family is broken and the road to divorce is happening as we speak. It had become extremely inevitable for my peace of mind, happiness, growth and values to end it. Some relationships just aren’t worth the fight and although for a moment I thought it was, it was unhealthy and I wouldn’t dare raise my son in dysfunction. I had to face it, it was too toxic for repair. And it became more apparent day by day as I had been constantly tested with unnecessary and unwarranted drama. The person that I once called my friend and lover had been trying to break my spirit with evil attempts. And for what. I had to grasp why it was all happening. 

Letting go:

Have you ever been in a relationship that seemed just right for you and then God unveils all that’s been wrong from the start. We all have right? Let me be clear that no one is perfect in any relationship, but some people don’t mean you well and are not deserving of all the love you have to give. YOU deserve more. Your other half is supposed to bring you light and encourage you to become a better you, not bring you storms to harm you robbing you of joy. 

Divorced before marriage:

One day I listened to a Pastor TD Jakes sermon online and he said something that was so profound and resonated with me. He said, “many of us are walking down the aisle already divorced”. I had to be real with myself because he was right. My marriage was one of those many marriages. I really didn’t know my spouse as well as I thought I did and instead I married the person I thought he was, which is a tough reality for me. How do you sleep in the bed with someone and not know their truth. It’s possible when you are not listening to the vibes and signs that alarm you, your female intuition. 

Getting through the divorce:

Divorce is never easy. It takes a lot of love, spiritual healing and support to get through it. But thank God for his word because every prayer, sermon heard, words from the wise, family support and music of inspiration, it all came from him and his love for me. He was speaking to me through all these many forms awakening and strengthening me. It gave me the direction I needed. There’s no doubt that he planned this very journey just for me for an even greater life and purpose. I trust him and feel tremendously blessed even after going through a failed marriage and negative attacks.

Year of New Independence

My Year of New Independence:

I am embracing my year of new independence because the year means for me empowerment, self nurturing, control, freedom and building independently again. I want to inspire and encourage other women to let go of the people that bring them misery and that they too can survive the heartache. We have to respect the process and understand that being alone is the best time to reevaluate what’s best for you and your life. No one one knows your value as well as you. Don’t allow anyone else’s insecurities to devalue all that you are. 

Thank you for reading and allowing me to speak unto you. I look forward to sharing more of my journey. Only forward for me, no looking back. 

Xoxo 

Pentené
Pentené

Pentené Milner is a personal wardrobe stylist, fashion + lifestyle blogger and author of "Style Me Fancy by Pentené" living in Los Angeles. She defines a fancy style as decorative and unapologetic. The style blog was created as a space to talk about the importance of style and finding your personal style. Pentené wanted to show the fundamentals of style by exposing each of her fun, idealistic and creative wardrobe looks. It's a space that women can come and be inspired by ways to personify their own style - and what it takes to be able to articulate it.

30 Comments

  • Nicole

    Hun—wow, I had no idea what you were going through! Thanks for sharing and opening up on your blog! I wish for you the best year yet! Much love Pentene!!!

    • Pentené

      Thank you Nicole! It’s been a long and tough battle, but I’m getting through it. Ready to move on with my life. Thanks for reading babe. Xoxo

    • Kellie

      Amazingly inspirational cousin and how brave of you to open up the way you have. Gives me hope as I can relate to your situation. So proud of you.

      • Pentené

        Thank you cousin! Thank you so much. Something continued to burn inside me to speak and I’m so empowered by doing so. We are so blessed! Xo

  • Nikki Living Life

    I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. You are incredible. You are handling this with so much grace and poise. Continue to stay strong. A woman is unstoppable after she realizes she deserves better. Happy Birthday beautiful lady. It is going to be great year. Leave a trail of sparkle 🙂

    Xx
    Nikki
    http://www.nikkilivinglife.com

    • Pentené

      Thanks so much love. Truly appreciate your kind and gentle words. So glad that I’m at a point where I feel comfortable sharing and it makes me feel even better sharing with others that are rooting for me. Xoxo

  • Julie

    Thanks for sharing, Pentene! You are so right that your story will definitely help someone during their life’s journey. Keep shining , like the diamond you are! 😘

    • Pentené

      Aww thank you friend. Truly hope that I can help someone with my story. Finally got to a point where I felt more comfortable sharing it. Xoxo

  • Helena Marz

    Girl! I am very sorry to hear about what you have been going through, it breaks my heart hearing this:( I have been in a bad relationship in the past that ruined my self-esteem and it took me awhile to get my confidence back on track. I agree that God gives us warning signs from the beginning that we refuse to see it. I am so amazed how strong you are and you will get through this. Wishing you a very Happy Birthday and a new fresh start❤️ Xo

    • Pentené

      Aww thank you so much love for your kindness. Sorry that a failed relationship from your past left you broken, but so happy to know that you survived it and now more confident than ever. Bad relationships are horrible to be in, but can teach valuable lessons at the same time. Appreciate the support. Xoxo

  • Stuart Brazell

    Happy birthday gorgeous girl – here’s to the best year yet!

  • Karissa

    Ok first, I don’t know how it’s possible that you’re 37. Ummm yeah, your black don’t crack! Second, happy belated bday!!! And third, So sorry about everything you’ve been going through but I know (and you know) that God is going to bring you out on the other side! Much love.

    • Pentené

      Haha! Thanks babe. I know no one believes my age. I can’t believe it either sometimes – more so because of how fast the years have gone by. Appreciate your kind words and support. God is tremendously good. It gets easier day by day. Xoxo

  • Entrice

    So proud of you ❤️

    • Pentené

      Aww thank you friend. Appreciate that. It’s been a hard road, but making it through with the love of God. Xoxo

  • Kristina Williams

    I’m so sorry to hear about your divorce. I know that has to be hard on so many different levels. My heart breaks for you, but I know God is carrying you along. I don’t know how someone would go through something like that without faith. I’ll definitely be praying for you!

    P.S. You don’t look anywhere near 37! Happy birthday!

    xxx
    Kristina

    http://www.dearnovemberdays.com

    • Pentené

      So sweet. Thanks babe. Wouldn’t be able to make it without God. He heals all wounds if you allow him to. I feel so blessed and grateful. Appreciate your beautiful words. Xoxo

  • Jenn

    Hooray for new beginnings and happy birthday! I love your positive mantra, despite all you’ve gone through this past year. Can’t wait to see what you have in store!

    Jenn
    http://www.honeydewblog.com

    • Pentené

      Thanks so much Jenn! Love your positive attitude. Definitely over the sadness and ready to move forward. Appreciate the love. Xoxo

  • Nikki

    Wishing you the very best! Life can be so difficult, but you have a good perspective on it!
    http://niknikstyle.com/

  • Jazmin

    I’m so proud of you my friend. Beautifully written and the best is YET to come!! We have to celebrate your new found independence. 😆😆😆😆😆😆🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿😆😆

  • Nicole Villarreal

    I am so sorry to hear that. It sounds like you are coming out of it stronger and more independent. I know that must not be easy, but you are handling it with such grace. I really admire that!

    • Pentené

      Thank you so much for your sweet comment. Appreciate all the positivity to help with my transition. Hope you’re having a great weekend. Xoxo

  • Debbie Savage

    Happy Birthday to you Pentene! I love you dearly! I am so proud of you for accomplishing so much and there is no limit to what you can do and your influence for good. I love this post and it takes so much courage to be open. I will be praying for you! New doors are waiting to be opened by you this year! Love on your little man – he is so blessed to have you as his mama! BTW, I love the outfit on you!!!
    xo Debbie | http://www.tothineownstylebetrue.com

    • Pentené

      Aww thanks so much love! You’re always so sweet and encouraging. I truly appreciate it. It feels good to finally open up. Xoxo

  • Jennifer SavvyGreyStyles

    I am so glad you are back. You are a strong women and known you will continue to do great things. Wishing you all the best and can’t wait to see more posts from you.

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