Well hello my loves. Its been a little while since you last heard from me. That’s because I decided that it was time to finally take a much needed break from my blog after all that had been going on in my personal life within the past year. I had been quietly battling some storms and begin a transition into a new life that made me feel uncomfortable because of the unexpected painful changes that were happening right before me. The many challenges I’ve faced have made me strong enough to open up and share the many dark clouds I’ve been passing through. And in hopes of helping someone else pass through their own too. But first, let’s talk about my birthday. It’s my 37th birthday weekend (Friday June 2nd)! Yes chile they say black don’t crack (a little added comic relief to such a serious blog post) – but in all seriousness, it’s a very important year for me as I call this my year of “new independence”. If you would allow me to speak my truth I’ll elaborate further in just a moment.
The Year of 36:
Thirty-six was probably the toughest year for me. With no regrets, I had an eye opening, lesson filled year full of growth. I learned more about who Pentené was and what she had lost within herself. I didnt realize it, but I let go of some of who I was to appease someone else’s self doubt. Lets just say that what I’ve faced and was willing to finally let go of brought me back full circle getting to know the better version of me in this new phase of my life with even greater power, a purposeful mission, more strength and a whole new outlook on womanhood. But fear it not, pain can do that to you if you let it do what it’s called to do. In other words, heal baby, heal.
Now let me be more transparent about what’s changed in my life. My almost 5 year marriage has ended, a family is broken and the road to divorce is happening as we speak. It had become extremely inevitable for my peace of mind, happiness, growth and values to end it. Some relationships just aren’t worth the fight and although for a moment I thought it was, it was unhealthy and I wouldn’t dare raise my son in dysfunction. I had to face it, it was too toxic for repair. And it became more apparent day by day as I had been constantly tested with unnecessary and unwarranted drama. The person that I once called my friend and lover had been trying to break my spirit with evil attempts. And for what. I had to grasp why it was all happening.
Have you ever been in a relationship that seemed just right for you and then God unveils all that’s been wrong from the start. We all have right? Let me be clear that no one is perfect in any relationship, but some people don’t mean you well and are not deserving of all the love you have to give. YOU deserve more. Your other half is supposed to bring you light and encourage you to become a better you, not bring you storms to harm you robbing you of joy.
Divorced before marriage:
One day I listened to a Pastor TD Jakes sermon online and he said something that was so profound and resonated with me. He said, “many of us are walking down the aisle already divorced”. I had to be real with myself because he was right. My marriage was one of those many marriages. I really didn’t know my spouse as well as I thought I did and instead I married the person I thought he was, which is a tough reality for me. How do you sleep in the bed with someone and not know their truth. It’s possible when you are not listening to the vibes and signs that alarm you, your female intuition.
Getting through the divorce:
Divorce is never easy. It takes a lot of love, spiritual healing and support to get through it. But thank God for his word because every prayer, sermon heard, words from the wise, family support and music of inspiration, it all came from him and his love for me. He was speaking to me through all these many forms awakening and strengthening me. It gave me the direction I needed. There’s no doubt that he planned this very journey just for me for an even greater life and purpose. I trust him and feel tremendously blessed even after going through a failed marriage and negative attacks.
My Year of New Independence:
I am embracing my year of new independence because the year means for me empowerment, self nurturing, control, freedom and building independently again. I want to inspire and encourage other women to let go of the people that bring them misery and that they too can survive the heartache. We have to respect the process and understand that being alone is the best time to reevaluate what’s best for you and your life. No one one knows your value as well as you. Don’t allow anyone else’s insecurities to devalue all that you are.
Thank you for reading and allowing me to speak unto you. I look forward to sharing more of my journey. Only forward for me, no looking back.